(This is a huge issue, but not one of my personal issues so a friend did the personal part this week.)
This is a very deep and personal subject for me. I feel as I get older, I can see more people I love hurting from missing someone in their life. With many friends, it is a series of people for them. We each can understand our loved one’s transition from different perspectives or even purposes, but it is easier said than done. And losing one person you love isn’t the same as losing another. Grieving is a very heavy and personal process. For anyone.
As you will read in most grieving support books is that there is no right way to grieve. It can also be very different for different people. What may help one person may not help another person. However, what helped me may possibly help at least one person. So here goes…
In 2012, my second daughter Sophia passed away. She transitioned 3 weeks before her 3rd birthday. It was a known possibility so we had at least 8 months to prepare for what you can never prepare for. Instantly upon her departure, I felt so alone. I needed to be by her. Hold her. Love her. Take care of her the way a mother should take care of her child. But that wasn’t an option the way I wanted it to be. I knew I wanted to do anything that would offer some form of a connection with her. I just wanted to know she was near in any way. So, I happened to be talking to a spiritual healer & accupuncture friend of mine in Atlanta as well as a another amazing healer, chiropractor & mom to a dear family of friends of mine from chiropractic school. Unexpectedly in both conversations with them they received messages they felt that Sophia wanted to communicate with me. Sophia expressed things to these women that I had never shared with anyone but Sophia. She gave specific answers to questions I asked when she finally went into her catatonic stage before passing. No one was in our house when I talked to Sophia then and I never shared those conversations. I knew it was a message of divinity. I knew that it was a deep seeded personal clue that there is more to us than our physical beliefs and ideas.
With those experiences, I decided to maintain my relationship with Sophia in the spiritual sense, I could break out of the box in my mind and talk to her. Listen to her word of wisdom as her name is Sophia for a reason. I learned to not see her only as the little baby that I birthed into this world but a spiritual entity that can take on all forms. Light, butterflies, a child to woman of varying ages. We are not our physical shell and too often we forget that in life. It is our vessel as I know that energy transforms but is not destroyed. In this universal law, I found a way to grieve her in the physical plane while honoring and staying connected to her on all other dimensions.
How I best do this is by staying open to clues of her presence. Many times, our loved ones will send signs or messages. Our oblivion or even doubt can block these divine presences. Stay open to this as a possibility. Also, allow quiet time in your day to sit and think about who you love and miss. Ask questions, think of an ideal day you would like to spend with them. Fill your spirit with their presence. Listen. They will give you a feeling, answer or a message. In time, I learned to combine the two. I learned to pay attention for signs and then silence myself to listen to a possible message. In time, I have felt guided and supported by my child’s spiritual presence in my life than I have in any physical relationship that I have ever had. Reason being… spiritual relationships are that of God. It is the deepest connection you can have with someone. We are capable of having these relationships with others while still living on earth, but the physicality of our reality that hinders these other truths can be challenging to break through. But it can be done with those both living and those with God.
For me personally, I have had a few people dear to me express that they feel I have not grieved completely or at all in ways. When I hear that I immediately feel Sophia telling me it is a likelihood that it is challenging for others to understand the new truth I have found in my relationship with her. However, I do agree with my loved ones in the ways that I am a busy body. I keep myself occupied and on the go. In being so busy and trying to be everything to everyone in my family as they need me… I have not allowed time for myself. I have not found time for counseling or support groups. I have found other things that I feel fulfill part of what those things can offer. I do the best that I can.
I wonder at times if I had time for myself, what would that look like? I would fill it with relaxing moments of being on the beach, reading a book, a day at a spa… to which none of those seem like moments grieving will come up and if so… it will present as it does on a regular basis for me. In a transitional wave that comes and then goes. All this does is bring me back to the first paragraph in this article. There is no right or wrong way and it is different for everyone. I am happy about living life, honored to serve those I love, have passion, drive & focus in my life… in my mind I am doing okay. Grieving in this sense will unfold in time as time goes on for me in this life. It is as it should be or God wouldn’t have it this way in this moment J Therefore, I accept the present moment as the gift that it is.
So, this week allow your heart to open to healing instead of closing to hurting. Love opens and heals our heart. It doesn’t tear us apart unless we allow the fear of life without that person override the love we can still have every moment. They are never lost. They are really never not in our lives. There is just an emptiness in the physical aspect of life and it is very heavy & overwhelming, but there is more to it. Finding my connection with Sophia allowed me to not be lost. It allowed me to continue to fight to be a better mom to Eva and eventually Lily. It allowed me to continue to find purpose in my life within chiropractic and service to humanity. It allowed me to start the book I am writing about her, life and grieving. There are many things that my newer relationship with her has restored in my life. If it can happen for me, it can happen for anybody!
I wish you well on your journey of truly transforming your mind, body and soul! Good luck as you continue this transformative journey! I know that each week we are all closer to a more whole, happier version of ourselves. Give yourself a hug or pat on the back for all your weeks of hard work! Week 52 is coming so fast!